Almost There

Well it has been a few days since my last post. There have been arguments and moments of tense peace over the last few days. Lots of stuff has been packed and ready to be moved on Saturday, the day I finally move out. I say finally like its something that I have been waiting to do for a long time. Its been almost a month now since I found out what she had been doing. And even now I am seeing her totally differently from how I used to. She really isn't the person I knew and I don't say that just because I am trying to get back at her for how she treated me. Its because she really has changed. I don't know this person she has become. She is not a nice person, and I am glad I will not be around her for much longer and I wont have to think about her.
I was recently made aware via what she has told me that she is now in a relationship. I will try not to laugh too much as I write this. She told me the other night quite sincerely that her 'new bloke' really feels bad for me. I asked why he would think that as she never talks about me according to what she does tell me. She said its because he said it he feels for me because I have lost such a wonderful woman like her. Oh is she for real... or is he for that matter. When I first met her I didn't think anything of her. We were just in the same place at the same time. We met a few more times at various venues. When we finally got together I did fall in love quickly and I did think she was a wonderful person. But when I met her she was seeing various other guys but she stopped seeing them for me. I now know she never was really going to change for long. That's why I feel I was just a convenient excuse for her to leave London and move in with me before moving where we live... lived together until now. She is manipulative, that's for sure and she will quite happily latch on to people to get whatever it is she wants for that moment. She will hurt people to get what she wants. She has proved that on two other occasions that I know of. She will be happy for a while... maybe she will be happy for years. It shouldn't matter to me any more. I just hope that one day she will make a mistake and people will really see her for what she really is. There are people about her who I really don't think know what has gone on. All they know is she is 'single' again. I don't think they are aware how much she hurt me. I know there are those that do know what I went through. Sadly some have chosen to act as if nothing has happened. A form of acceptance and I guess it makes her feel that she has a seal of approval from them. I'm not sure that is the case but it makes me feel bad that I have, due to all that has happened, made life awkward for them. But those people have not been in touch to see how I am. Are they people I can still call friends? Maybe they only tolerated me because I was with her. I don't suppose I will know for sure. I just know I will feel awkward around those people if we cross each others paths.

Something I am becoming aware of is that my dreams, although I cant remember them, are disturbing my sleep. I think my unconscious mind is struggling to cope with all the data it is trying to make sense of. I am feeling very tired again. Even with a so called good amount of sleep I still feel drained. I hope it is just everything that has happened and that is happening that's causing it.

Well I will try and get one more post in before my move. Then it will be at least the middle of the week before I can post again as I get the cable set up again mid week.

So until the next post.... to my friends and those who read this, may only good find you.