Hopefully

She turned up this afternoon at about halp past three. She made her excuses.
I should get it into my thick head that she doesnt care about me or anything that I do. Ok she has made that quite obvious, but I just wish she could wait til I am out of this house and out of her life. Its still going to hurt me a whole lot more but once its done its done. Actually I wish she would fuck off right out of the area but shes not going to do that is she and I dare say she will be Miss Popular with everyone around her. I noticed a line she put on her Facebook account today saying that she is in love. My question is, 'is it with herself?' Well if the case is that she is in love then I hope that whoever it is knows what they will be letting themselves in for. And why did she post it in the first place, in reality because she knows that I will see it. She knows I still hurt, but she also knows my mental state as well. Its like poking a stick into an open wound with her, Im sure it is. If I was treating her the same way as she is treating me Im sure someone would have stood up and said something by now. Well sooner of later someone she knows will stumble across this blog and probably tell her all about it. But before they do that I really hope they read from the start and see what I went through and think about how they would have been if it had been them. If she is reading this right now, I hope you take the time to look and perhaps really understand the hurt you caused me. I know Im not a strong person, but I know the right way and the wrong way, even if I do make mistakes from time to time. I certainly learned a lot from this one.

I have the paperwork from the Letting Agents ready to be filled out. I should hope to get that done Saturday evening. Its all pretty straight forward stuff and will take that back to them on Tuesday morning. Hopefully, fingers crossed they may give me a date I can move in from. Then it will be mad rush time but there is a little inkle inside of me (inkle... did I just make that up????) that is gradually breaking the mould and is making me feel better about moving. If you read a few lines back which I just did I used the word 'hopefully' which is probably the first time Ive use a positive sign recently.

Tonight I went out to the usual Thursday night venue. I walked with a friend there but he mingled with lots of other people as he is well known there. I expected that anyway. I stood near to the bar as it was a very crowded place for a change. Im not generally into crowds of more than 2 but I put all that aside and watched the performances. I enjoyed pretty much all of what I saw but it was getting late and I came home about 2330.

I have work tomorrow and it will be the first day back since my break up with her has happened. Im dreading the thought of people asking did I have a good holiday. But I will probably be quite blunt and say no actually I didnt, which is true. Im not going to lie... and I hope Im not going to cry. I get a lot of thinking time on this job that I do. As much as I hate it I need it more than ever now. But maybe a good reason to find new things, new challenges... there must be more for me to find out there that I can do.

Apologies for any typo's and errors tonight but Im not editing this. Im tired and I need to turn in. Tomorrow is here already and I want as much sleep as it will give me before 9am. Goodnight freinds, til the next post.

PS. To the person who once dreamed about 'scree' (and you know who you are), ask me cos I forgot to tell you I know why you dreamed about it.