Living in a World of Sundays

Well, it took a long time coming but I have finally got around to another installment of this blog. I feel like a totally different person from the one I was when I started this off those few weeks ago. Well since then, I have found and moved into my new home. Things have gone very well and everything went smoothly more or less. I have been here just over a week now and I feel at home. I didnt think I would but I do. Im not bothered about anything or anyone now. I am free to live my own life again and although I wouldnt say I am happy happy, I am ok and not struggling to keep up with things. She is acting a little strange as it turns out. For one that went off on one with me like there was no tomorrow, she has suddenly been strangely friendly towards me. I seriously think she needs to know what I am doing and how I am coping. Maybe she thinks I wouldnt and wants to gloat. Im not sure but I am a little wary. She has been around a couple of times now mainly to bring odd things that got left behind and post that has gone there. But she has also called up to ask if I am home as she wants to come and help me get things tidy and unpacked. This evening included. So she came around and started by sitting down and promptly falling asleep on the sofa. She had come round straight from work and was obviously tired. I made a cup of tea anda she had woken again by then and got around to emptying some of the boxes. Admittedly she has a knack of getting things done but I felt a little like she was trying to be in control. I have got on for the week without her and I to be quite frank, not really given much thought about her. Its how she wanted it and its how she is getting it. I really cant be arsed anymore. She showed me the sort of person she really is inside and I do not really want to associate myself with her anymore. It all feels a little surreal with her being here. Im not quite sure why she is bothering.

Anyway, enough about her for the moment. I have a home, a flat and a nice one at that. The furniture is in place and shelves filled with all manner of books and dvd's. I have new pots and pans which means I can now cook some real food at last. I have food in the cupboards and freezer. Everything is just about in its place and it feels good. I can go to bed at night and get a reasonable good nights sleep, well as much as I can with bouts of waking up. Im not sure why I am waking but I hope to get to the bottom of that when I have my sleep apnoea clinic on Thursday. I am wearing my face mask so I shouldnt be waking up. All I know is I am having trouble, and I mean real trouble staying awake during the day at work. Im worried that its seriously going to effect my health.

Something else I cant quite believe is how quiet it is here. Outside is like living in a world of Sundays. Hardly a car on the road and few people about at any time. Its almost like a typical sleepy village. When you sit at the bus stop it seems you will always end up in a conversation with whoever else is standing there. Its almost like being in a different world and still only half a mile maybe from where I was living before. I dont mind it at all though. I can open my windows and not hear traffic. I can hear birds though. I can look out of my window and see the water on Langstone Harbour on the far side of the university sports field. I have not ventured out for a walk yet as I have had work to do and getting things sorted out indoors. I may have a little wander tomorrow afternoon if the weather is nice.

Did I say it earlier in this post... well if I did I am going to say it again anyway. I feel so very different. I am not ashamed of the way I felt before I got to here. I learned some valuable lessons in life. Who to trust, who not to trust. True friendships, and some with empty values. I went through sheer hell, but although I didnt know it then, it has made me stronger. Everything that has happened in the past is just that... 'in the past'. I have a future, and it is what I make of it that will make all the difference. Im looking forward to moving forward and setting out with some new plans and ideas. Starting out taking small steps at a time, little by little until I can start to take bigger steps and make my life worthy of living. I look forward to being the me I can be. It will take time but I will get there. I hope that in some way people will see me for who I am and maybe try and get to know me a little more. Not because they have to but because they want to. If that happens then I know I will have made a very big difference.

Enough said for now. Until the next post....