A Place Called Home

Today it turned out to be an interesting one. I found myself somewhere to live.
A new place I can call home I hope. We both went to have a look and turned up a little early to have a gander at the surroundings. Courtyards were clean and tidy, everything about the immediate area of the flats was good. The lady from the estate agent turned up running a little behind but at least we had been phoned in advance and told.
We went in and up the one flight of stairs to the front door. It was opened and we all walked in. Now in comparison to the other places I had seen this was a palace. Its not that big, but its not small either. Laminate flooring throughout, nice kitchen, bedroom and bathroom too. I was thinking that I should take the opportunity while its still there. The only thing on my mind was that its further from work, in fact about twice as far as it is at the moment. Having had a good look around I decided that the other properties that are nearer might not have been so good but at least they would be more convenient for work etc. So we left and walked back in the rain, my mind whirring the same thought over and over again. If I wait a day will I lose this well advertised place to somebody else? Well while walking back I suggested we take a look at one of the places I was supposed to have been viewing tomorrow. It was a purpose built 2 bedroomed flat just around the corner from where I am living at the moment. We got there and looked about the outside of the buildings. First off the flat being on the ground floor was to the side of a pizza shop which is open into the early hours and they do deliveries too. That means that doors from the delivery drivers cars would be slam slam slam all night long. There was a considerate amount of grafitti around too. Air conditioning units to the shops... more noise. What finally finished this for me was the polite/police notice in the entrance doorway explaining how anti-social behaviour was not tolerated in the vicinity of the flats.
It was dawning on me that I wasn't going to get anywhere as good as the place I had just seen. It might be further out than I was hoping for but it was the better of the options. I called and told the Letting Agents that I would take this place on.
I think I can be happy there but I dont think it will be plain sailing. My mental state of mind still is nowhere near 100% and I will have my down days.
But then I shall have one less person to worry about in my life. The one cut I have to make amongst the thousands she hit me with almost two weeks ago.

My mind still drifts to those events. I feel ill when I think about it. I will still miss her when I have gone. I miss her now, her warmth next to me, her kisses, her cuddles, her holding hands with me. I miss all that. But that was not obviously enough for her and meant very little to her. I was making her dinner tonight when she said, 'I'm going upstairs to make a phone call.' Yes another call to another male. From what she told me it was a different one so I guess that what she went to the internet cafe for yesterday, to gather her emails and messages. All this plays with my mind, and its not fair. Not fair that I should have to live with any of this or ever have had to. But life isnt always fair as they say. Time to move on and thats hopefully whats going to happen when I am settled into my new home. Im already worrying, money worries mainly.
Can I afford this and that. Lots of 'what if's' are bouncing around in my head too. I feel almost swamped by it all.

Tomorrow a few calls to cancel the viewings I no longer require. Also an engineer supposedly calling to replace the internals of my pc. That I will have to wait and see about. The only other things is the obvious one... start packing. Two weeks is not far off at all.

Well this post turned out somewhat short and sweet. Mainly because I am tired. Im still not sleeping too well and Im already worrying about returing to work on Friday. I have a checkup with the doctor before that mainly for the AD's I am on but I will discuss that with him while I am there.

So until the next post... as per my usual ending, TTFN.