Down Down Deeper and Down

I managed to get an appointment with a Doctor today. My normal doctor was away but I got to see another doctor who I have seen before and that doctor is a good listener. I have been upped on the 'Happy Tablets' as hoped for, although I was heading that way anyway. Got to sleep about 3:30 this morning and got up reasonably early. Cried for most of the day so far, it just keeps creeping up on me. I have also been crying on the phone to a dear friend, my mother, at the doctors, walking in the street... yep Ive got it bad. But in the same breath, between deep breaths, I know I will make it through in the end. The pain and anguish are there for a reason. I should be angry, but Im not really, just still very very numb. My head still hurts from the strain. Maybe I will be angry later, I just dont know.

I'm going to have to find somewhere new to live and pretty soon I guess.
I cant afford to stay here on my own as much as I would like to. Im pretty tired right now but I dont want to sleep. I think a walk to the local shops might do me good. A bit of fresh air as they say. I thought about the shops earlier and then up popped the 'you cant afford to be spending money on trivial things now' moment. Damn I know Im right but right now theres a lot worse, so if it helps, wtf.